Dear Friend of a friend,

I rue the day you got my e-mail address from a mass forward sent by our mutual friend.  I have never met you and after the deluge of e-mails I have received from you, I am determined to kick you directly in the dick should I meet you.  I most certainly will not come check out your band or “hit you up” at Riversplash.  Shameless self promotion will get you nowhere.  I’m not a fellow hipster.  Take me off your list.

Spam is never appreciated,

Project Openletter

P.S.  I hear you’re about 35 years old.  You play in a go nowhere local band.  Time to grow the fuck up, no?  You’re not exactly living the dream.