Reader Submission #11

Milwaukee, aside from being “Algonquian for the good land” is also known as the City of Festivals.  Every weekend of the summer we have a different festival, many of which are ethnic themed.  Next to our famed Summerfest, two festivals are especially beer laden.  Germanfest and Irish Fest.  (Go figure, right?  And I’m both German and Irish, so shuttie).

This open letter was submitted to an Irish Fest faithful.  Let all ye be warned.  Do not attempt to pry a beer from the hand of a Milwaukee Irish lassie.

Dear Irish Fest,

Have the planners lost their minds?  Why did you take away the only GOOD cheap beer? How could you do that to us?  We are there every day of the festival, each and every year, and therefore are already spending a butt load on beer.  Did you really have do away with the one beer with actual FLAVOR that did not require five tickets!?!

Our hearts are broken, our pockets are empty and we aren’t nearly as drunk as we should be.

~ McSorley’s Mourners

Mass E-mail #3

This mass e-mail is courtesy of an incredibly casual acquaintance. (As in, I know her from smoking outside our office building and we’ve never hung out outside of that). Gifts much?

Hello Everyone,

Thing is now big enough to have a party!

My mom & sisters are planning my baby shower, so please email me your home address so they can send you an invitation.

Thank you!!

Expectant mother who is still smoking 6 months in

Reader Submission #8

Dear friend of mine,

When you asked me to be in your wedding, I was happy to be a part of it. However, taking me out for coffee less than three months from your wedding date and asking me to be your best man, then informing me I’m in charge of organizing a Vegas bachelor party was kind of shitty. You see, I’ve been the best man and/or bachelor party organizer for about five other weddings. Every time, I get screwed out of money.

Now you’re talking about having me do the same for a trip that requires multiple plane tickets and hotel rooms. I can’t even afford to take my wife to Vegas, let alone afford to underwrite a trip for a group of 15 guys. Having approximately two months to plan this trip doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to look for deals. I’m willing to organize a trip to a ball park, some bar hopping, maybe even a strip club if you’re into that sort of thing, but if you want a Vegas trip, you’ll have to figure out how to make that work yourself – and I’ll let you know if I can find a way to afford to attend.

Sincerely,

Guy who wishes you’d asked that other friend to be best man.